Let’s take a moment of silence, shall we, to honor the classiest of girly fake beers for high schoolers, which has, despite hanging in there somewhat innocuously for the past few decades, finally gone the way of Crystal Pepsi. It’s true, Miller Coors has finally halted production of Zima.
According to the Daily News, “the decision was due to weakness in the “malternative” segment and declining consumer interest,” and that the remaining inventory of the sort-of lemony, mostly gross malt beverage should be, erm, liquidated by December. Apparently, 16 year olds nowadays much prefer to drink their sickly sweet booze in the form of alcoholic energy drinks, as the can design is chic makes it easier to stash in your backpack without any telltale clanging of glass bottles.
This of course does not count the 6 pack of Zima that will continue to live out its 18-year-and-counting halflife in my parents’ liquor cabinet.