Infidelity’s Not So Bad

Things Worse Than Cheating

“In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.” Ian Kerner, Sexuality Counselor, CNN Health

There are some things a significant other can do that will make you wish she had just gone ahead and cheated on you before all this happened.

  • Paranoia After the sixtieth phone call of the day, you’ll wish Cyndi had other interests.
  • Crystal Meth  “Joan cheated on me with Ted in the Hardees bathroom during happy hour,” vs. “Joan withdrew 8 G’s from my savings account while I was at work and filled up the side yard with empty cough syrup bottles.”
  • Ponzi Schemes She was too busy swindling charitable funds and pensioners out of their lives’ savings to buy blood diamonds for anyone else but you.
  • Permanent Vegetative State A custody battle featuring your ex’s new beau, or a feeding-tube-removal battle?
  • Permanent Vegetative Relationship You wish she would have an affair so you could have something to fill the super-massive black hole of your conversations.
  • Sweatshop Ownership Finding out Linda has been sneaking out to rendezvous with Jeff instead of going to Zumba, or finding out she’s been sneaking off to Indonesia to exploit underage workers?
  • Khakis No one thinks you look classy, Carleton.
  • Traumatic Brain Injury “Deborah, how could you do this to me?” Vs. “Deborah sweetie, it’s time to change your catheter.”
  • Serial Murder Your feelings are hurt, but you and the rest of the rugby team are alive and kickin’
  • Being “Really Into” Jazz There is nothing quite so life-ruining as having to sit through a 15-minute bass solo for the thirtieth time.  Nothing.
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