Category Archives: Rants

The Difference Between Drama School and Any Other School, Anywhere

We are in the thick of graduation season here, hence the long absence. I assure you, blogicide is not about to occur.

Conversation overheard today between two students getting out of the elevator, after the casting for end-of-year plays was posted:

Drama Girl 1: *sniff. sniffle.* (wipes raccoon eyes)
Drama Girl 2: Listen. You should absolutely be upset. Go talk to [the Academic Director]. It is totally acceptable for you to be crying right now!

I think I’ll ask my friends in pursuit of their MBAs if crying is as encouraged at their schools.

Off Limits

As I have been moved to comment before, my work gives me insight into the private worlds of many self-important and semi-delusional people.The following words are henceforth declared off limits for use as last names/surnames, unless you were un/fortunate enough to be born with one of them:

Love
Faith
Claire
Truth
Lee
Leigh
Leeigh
Lea
Jeremy
Christmas
Hanukkah
Easter
Valentine
Edward
Henry
Stuart
Windsor
Any variation of your middle name
The name of any mythical creature
Any existing surname significantly more boring than your original one. Don’t be a Smith when you can be a Von Dumbcourt. You’ll be much more memorable this way.

And no one–no one–will take you seriously if your name is Trisha Love Christmas.

Hatefest

Since the news of the world and the buzz around my office has been aglow with love and goodwill (notice: took down the Bush countdown! na-na-na-na, hey-hey-hey…) and I’m in process of signing on to volunteer long-term with one of the best NYC charities EVER (which I’m not linking to cuz I don’t know how they would feel about that. Suffice to say it has to do with thrift stores) and the world seems like a rosier place all around despite impending doom…I’ve decided to dampen everyone’s spirits with a random list of stuff I hate more than just about anything else in the whole world. It’s like the conclusion of Bush43’s reign of imbecility has left a huge void in the bile-and-hatred section of my brain. So here’s a rather unorganized list. Please add to it in comments.

Stuff we hate

Paper – it’s obsolete
I don’t know why people still print things. And it annoys me when companies, like, say, the IRS, make me print & sign stuff for my electronic tax return. Cuz I don’t have a printer. That’s why I’m e-filing. Losers.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with you”
This is an essential catchphrase for anyone charged with writing condolence letters to people they don’t know very well. I used to get paid to write these letters. I know… it’s just a figure of speech. But really: stop saying this like you’re going to go home and pray about it. Unless you actually are, then please leave me out of it. I have enough problems with the supernatural without your guff sending the hereafter mixed messages.

Just say: I’m sorry your {blank} died.

Robert Heinlein
As a SF nerd, I am always confronted with compatriots who just loooove Heinlein. And then I have to stop being their friend. Because anyone who thinks that Stranger in a Strange Land is brilliant writing is thinking like a 16-year-old boy with a cheesy moustache. There, I said it.

Incessant Photo Snapping (and rude people in theaters)
This clip from Patti LuPone was terrifying for many people, but honestly it kind of made her my new hero. As my friends and family will attest, I have on a number of occasions ranted this same rant at those around me who continue to flash their goddam cameras in my face while I’m trying to have a conversation or eat a damn meal. The question that always plagues me is, well, Can’t you just REMEMBER this instead?

And the gall of people raised in a spectator society to blatantly ignore announcements about photography and turning your cell phones off… the stupid and the oblivious of the world have narrowly escaped getting smacked in the back of the head by a size 9 wedge heel simply because I just lacked Patti’s chutzpah to actually articulate:

So what pushes YOUR buttons?