Tag Archives: lactose intolerance

I know cheese is tasty, but do you HAVE to put it in everything, for crying out sakes?

One thing  about driving across America in the wintertime is that you have to get up early, so that you can actually see America before the sun goes down around 5:00 p.m. This, for me, means coffee. As much as I’ve embraced my chemical dependence on caffeine, I’ve never been a black coffee drinker, or even much of a coffee connessieur. It is a warming, varyingly fragrant vehicle for my consciousness-sustaining drug.  I am one of those people Malcolm Gladwell pointed out who likes “weak, milky coffee.” Basically my ideal cuppa is a lukewarm mug of moderately coffee-flavored milk product.

But it is always a milk “product.” In the best cases, the product of soybeans, almonds, or other nuts soaked in water, pulverized, and squeezed out, resulting in a whitish, nutty-flavored liquid that works in coffee, cereal, and can even make terrific life-sustaining ice “cream.” Because, like the majority of the world’s population, I lost my ability to digest the sugars in milk (lactose) when I became an adult–around age 22. Which means I can have a nibble of cheese here, a splash of cream there, and maybe a taste or three of your creme brulee, but in general, me consuming more than a small amount dairy products leads to a digestive distress that I’d rather not expound upon in detail.
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What I’ll be doing during the NYC Ice Cream Crawl

Hope Pouts

I won't tolerate it!

This happens every year.

They do add “…a note to our friends who don’t do dairy, we DO have Italian Ice locations on the crawl as well!”

Great. So I can sporadically eat some lame juicewater while you all gorge yourselves on delicious ice cream.  Thanks for the methadone, you cruel, lactase-producing jerks!